


Ace of Hearts

by loveisallyouneed21



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Cuddles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, M/M, No Smut, Panic Attacks, discussion of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:36:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24241438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveisallyouneed21/pseuds/loveisallyouneed21
Summary: Patrick’s experience in coming to terms with his asexuality.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 6
Kudos: 77





	Ace of Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> I’m always interested in asexual representation so I’m surprised it took me this long to write it.

Growing up Patrick always felt different. He remembers sitting at home confused about why all of his friends were so fascinated with sex. When he was 14 Patrick came up with an explanation that made him feel better about himself and made sense seeing how his family was Catholic. Patrick convinced himself that what made him different was that he wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. Surely by the time he was married he would want to have sex like everyone else since it is such an important part of all relationships. He was still concerned about how wanting to wait until marriage could ruin his chances in future relationships, but remained hopeful that the right girl would understand. 

The night of Patrick and David’s first kiss, Patrick comes up with a new explanation. Being with David felt right and confirmed that he was gay. Patrick convinced himself that the reason he wasn’t interested in sex before was because he was only thinking about it happening with a woman. But now that he knows he is gay he will definitely want to have sex with a man, specifically David. 

Fast forward to the present moment at Stevie’s apartment. Patrick is laying on the bed while David hovers over him. They’ve been making out like this for a long time and Patrick feels warm inside. That feeling quickly changes when David reaches for Patrick’s belt. Patrick suddenly feels cold and his stomach is twisting. He feels queasy and lightheaded as he tells David to stop. 

David stops immediately and rolls off of Patrick onto the other side of the bed. Patrick’s eyes are frantically moving around the room before he squeezes them shut. Patrick curls into a ball, trying to be as small as possible. He’s crying and hyperventilating and so confused. He can hear David’s muffled voice; it sounds like Patrick is underwater but he slowly tries to latch on to David’s voice to pull himself back above water. 

David watches on in concern. He knows that Patrick is having a panic attack, having experienced them himself. David doesn’t touch Patrick because he hates when people do that to him during a panic attack and because he is pretty sure that him touching Patrick is what caused his panic attack. 

Patrick raises his head to better hear David softly instructing him to try and slow his breathing. Breathe in 1, 2, 3, 4. Hold 1, 2, 3, 4. Breathe out 1, 2, 3, 4. David repeats this until Patrick’s breathing even outs. David slides a box of tissues next to Patrick who quickly grabs one and starts rubbing the tears from his face. 

David takes a deep breath and says, “I’m so sorry. You said you wanted to take things slow and I should’ve established what your expectations and boundaries were for the night before we started anything.” 

Patrick feels guilt pool in his stomach realizing that David thinks this is his fault. It absolutely isn’t David’s fault; the blame should all fall on Patrick. 

Patrick stutters over his words. “No you have nothing to be sorry about. I came here tonight with the intentions to have sex with you. I’m so sorry, this is all my fault, and I don’t know why I freaked out.” 

David reassures Patrick, “Actually you have nothing to be sorry about. It is always okay to tell someone to stop for any reason.” 

Patrick nods his head, which is spinning with thoughts. Maybe he still believed in abstinence until marriage, even though he hadn’t been to church since he was 18. Patrick quickly realizes that the waiting until marriage story is just that, a story. That isn’t what is stopping him from having sex, so what the hell is it. Patrick gasps as he realizes he doesn’t want to have sex with David. He doesn’t ever want to have sex with David. He doesn’t want to ever have sex with anyone ever. He begins panicking again as he questions what is wrong with him because everyone wanted to have sex, right? 

David interrupts his thoughts, “Hold on, there is no need to panic. How about you just talk to me. Explain what is going on in your head.” 

Patrick’s face flushes red with shame thinking about telling David, but he decides to share anyway. Patrick puts his hand over his face as he mumbles, “I don’t want to have sex.”

David quickly jumps in, “Of course. We don’t need to have sex tonight. I hope I never made you feel like that had to happen.” 

Patrick’s face heats up further as he groans, “No David. I don’t think I’ll ever want to have sex.” Patrick drops his head into his hands and waits for David to say he’s leaving him. 

Much to Patrick’s surprise David says, “That’s okay. You never have to have sex if you don’t want to. Can I ask you something?” Patrick nods his head in response. David continues, “Have you ever heard of asexuality?” Patrick shakes his head. 

David takes a breath before continuing, “So asexuality is when a person doesn’t experience sexual attraction. There is a really great website called AVEN which stands for the Asexual Visibility and Education Network. How about I pull it up on my phone and give you some time and space to look through it?” 

Patrick nods his head once more, still refusing to make eye contact with David. David gently rests his phone next to Patrick and says, “Take your time. I’m going to make some tea and browse Stevie’s book collection. Let me know when you want me to come back okay?” Patrick nods his head for what he is convinced is the millionth time. He keeps his eyes closed until he hears David’s footsteps retreat. 

Patrick looks at the website and clicks on the tab labeled “About Asexuality” where he reads through all of the subcategories. 

When Patrick is done he calls David back over. David sits next to him on the bed and asks, “So how are you feeling?” 

Patrick ponders his question before responding, “Um I’m feeling a lot of things. On the positive side I feel better knowing that I’m not alone and that there is a name for people like me.”

David nods before prompting, “And…”

Patrick sighs, “And worried about what me being ace means for our relationship. I mean from what I’ve read I am asexual and further more I’m sex repulsed, which means there are no circumstances where I could feel comfortable having sex. But I’m also not comfortable with open relationships and polyamory. And you’re allosexual and have a lot of sexual experience. I just don’t see how our relationship can work.” 

David thinks this over before responding, “Mm, okay so I am completely fine with you being asexual, I like the person not the label. I would never want to do anything that made you uncomfortable so I’m fine with us never having sex. I’ve done open relationships and polyamory before and I never felt comfortable with it personally. You’re right I’m allosexual and I’m also someone who thinks we can make this work. We just need to have conversations along the way about boundaries and what not. For example, are you comfortable if I continue masturbating?” 

Patrick blushes before saying, “Yes I’m fine with that as long as I’m not there when you are masturbating.”

David grins, “See we already are figuring out ways to make this work. What have we done so far that you are comfortable with?” 

Patrick smiles, “I like holding hands, hugging, cuddling, kissing and making out.” 

David’s grin widens as he enthusiastically states, “I like all of those things too!”

Patrick giggles before asking, “Can we cuddle now?” 

David gently wraps his arms around Patrick and guides them both down so that David is lying on his back and Patrick is resting his head on David’s chest.

They continue rotating through the list of things they like as they talk intermittently. At one point Patrick asks David how he knew of asexuality since Patrick had never heard of it. David tells him that in college he was part of an LGBTQIA+ club on campus where he learned about asexuality. He ended up dating someone from the club who introduced him to AVEN. 

As the night goes on they get more and more drowsy before they drift off to sleep in each other’s arms.

**Author's Note:**

> I found out about asexuality and AVEN through reading a fanfic when I was 21 and two years later decided I wanted to write one too. If you are looking for further information I really do recommend visiting AVEN. When I started questioning my sexuality I found their website extremely helpful. Here’s the link if you are interested: https://www.asexuality.org/


End file.
